Positive pregnancy test – what do I do now?

First of all, it is important to state that when you have a positive pregnancy test, there is no right or wrong way to react. On the other hand, there are many ways to react! The entire spectrum of emotions can pop up. Both as one dominant emotion or a sea of ​​emotions and thoughts at once.

It can be surprise, worry, confusion, joy, sadness, anger, ecstasy, jubilation, a clear no, doubt, fear of miscarriage and much more. And for others, nothing is felt. Period.

There is complete emotional silence, as if the world has stopped. Most often, this non-labeling will subside over hours or days and be replaced by several of the aforementioned feelings. And as a couple, you can go through very different emotional registers over minutes, hours, days, weeks and even months. In other words, there is nothing right or wrong in your or your partner's reaction to a positive pregnancy test. Talk to each other - again and again. One talk is never enough.

No right or wrong way

At the same time, there is no right or wrong way to tell your partner about a positive pregnancy test if you took it alone. I regularly have clients who feel ashamed for not having felt, reacted or revealed the positive test in a certain way.

When we delve into what lies behind that shame, it is often about being influenced by the perfectionist culture of Instagram and other social media – also when it comes to positive pregnancy tests.

I wish more people would show their tears, frustrations, fears and doubts. Authentic, real and raw. So you and I and everyone else can reflect and be in reality instead of in illusions about reality. Keep that in mind when you have a positive pregnancy test. You do you – That's what your boyfriend loves you for.

Be you. Perfectly imperfect.

When can you take a pregnancy test?

In principle, you can do this as soon as you suspect that you may be pregnant. This means that your period has not come, you notice early signs of pregnancy (you can read more about these here ) or that you think you might be pregnant.

When I say 'in principle', it's because some people are so impatient for the pregnancy test results that they test way too early. This can put you on a real emotional rollercoaster - from relief to sadness - perhaps for no reason at all, as the actual test result may be different a few days later.

As a rule of thumb, you can expect the production of HCG to start approximately 9 days after the egg has been fertilized. And it is the hormone HCG that is tested for. Keep in mind that the actual moment of fertilization may be delayed from the actual intercourse, as sperm can live for 4-6 days in the woman's uterus and fallopian tubes. Also, be aware that HCG is produced before the egg attaches to the uterine lining.

This means that an early pregnancy test, before your expected period, can show a positive result, only to be negative a few days later if the egg has perished before it implanted. Something you, as a woman, would never have noticed if you hadn't taken an early pregnancy test.

The safest thing to do is to wait until after your expected period - both in terms of getting a real answer, and in terms of saving yourself and each other from a real emotional rollercoaster ride, knowing full well that patience may be tested.

What is HCG?

HCG is a hormone that is only present when a woman is pregnant. Initially, the fertilized egg produces HCG. Later, the placenta takes over this function. The amount of HCG varies from one pregnancy to another. If you are pregnant with twins, you will typically have more HCG than if you were pregnant with a singleton. singleton pregnancy. The level of HCG peaks around the 10th-12th week of pregnancy.

HCG signals the brain to stop the normal menstrual cycle. Hence the nickname 'the pregnancy-preserving hormone'. Studies suggest that the higher the HCG level, the lower the risk of miscarriage. It also appears that morning sickness and high HCG levels are linked.

Faint positive pregnancy test

This question and accompanying photo often pop up on various platforms: “What do you see?” In relation to whether there are one or two lines on a pregnancy test. There is no such thing as a line that is 'too faint' on a pregnancy test.

Either the test is positive or negative. Either you are pregnant or not pregnant – or you are testing too early. Always pay attention to the control line on the pregnancy test. If it does not appear, throw the test away, as you cannot count on it.

Please note that the clarity of the pregnancy line on the test may vary due to various factors. Among other things, the time of the test (morning urine is best), how much fluid you have drunk, and whether you switch between pregnancy test brands.

Some women choose to take several pregnancy tests over a few days. If you find comfort in that, then just go for it. It is also possible to have a blood test done by your doctor to confirm or rule out pregnancy. A blood test gives the most reliable test result.

Positive pregnancy test – what to do next?

When you have a positive pregnancy test, it is happiness for some, a disaster for others and something completely unexpected for still others. As written earlier, the reactions can be many and very different - also among the partners in the relationship. It is important to give this time. Whether it is hours, days or weeks.

Regardless of whether you want to continue the pregnancy and become parents, or whether you want an abortion, the next thing to do is to make an appointment with the woman's own doctor. An appointment that is often made around 8 weeks after the first day of the last menstrual period. At this doctor's visit, the doctor will talk to you about the further course of action - whether it is the journey towards increasing the family, or whether it is an abortion. If you want an abortion, the doctor will talk to you about the different types of abortion. If you have any questions, you are always welcome to reach out to me. No one should go around rambling with unanswered questions in relation to opting for or opting out of an abortion or the way to have an abortion.

If you want to keep the baby, the doctor will take a blood sample from you who are pregnant. This blood sample will be used later to compare with the scan result if you accept the public offer of a '12 week scan' (you can read more about it here link). In addition, the doctor will start the travel journal, which is a pregnancy journal that follows you as a pregnant woman all the way to birth.

When should friends and family know?

There is no clear or consistent answer to when friends and family should know that you are pregnant. Perhaps you have been through several involuntary miscarriages, which have naturally left their mark on both you and your loved ones. Perhaps you are unsure whether you want to keep the baby and want to make that decision without involving others. Perhaps you are afraid of the reaction of family and friends. Perhaps it is simply too slow to share the news. Perhaps you disagree as a couple. There can be many reasons for sharing or not sharing.

Regardless of the reason(s), it is my recommendation that you share with at least 1 other person. It could be a chosen friend, a mother, a colleague or someone else. If you miscarry spontaneously and involuntarily, if one of the scans shows that something is wrong with the baby, then it is so infinitely important to have someone to talk to about it. Someone who can follow you through the process. Someone you can also talk to about what happened, in the future, when feelings, thoughts, memories and reflections emerge.

It is so important to never be alone - no matter what the pregnancy test shows. And no matter what feelings and reactions the test result provokes in the coming weeks and months. Ask yourself if you would wish your friend had shared with you. Then your friend will probably wish the same about you and your process. The same goes for you as a partner, of course!

Dear, no matter what reactions and decisions a positive test brings up for you and yours, I wish you the safest and best process. Reach out if you need it.

Most affectionately